


Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Breathe

by marauders_4_life



Series: 25 Days of December [24]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), It's not actually in the story but it's the plot of the story, Minor Character Death, Misgendering, Multi, Nonbinary Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Nonbinary Character, Panic Attacks, Trans Male Character, Trans Morality | Patton Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:34:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28140960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marauders_4_life/pseuds/marauders_4_life
Summary: Patton didn’t know what to expect when he answered the phone but it wasn’t this.Or.Patton gets some very bad news and his significant others help him calm down.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Series: 25 Days of December [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2036959
Kudos: 53





	Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Misgendering, Deadnaming, Hints of Kicking out Trans Kids, Panic Attack, Negative Thinking, Mentions of Character Death  
> If those topics will trigger you then please don’t read.

Patton looked away from the TV screen as his phone started to meow signaling an incoming call. 

“Can you pause it?” He said as he grabbed as he leaned forward to grab his phone off the coffee table. 

“Yeah,” Virgil said as they were the one with the remote. “Who is it?” 

Patton didn’t know the answer to that question as there wasn’t any name on the caller ID, but, he knew the area code because he grew up with it. “It’s from my hometown.” 

“Hello,” He didn’t know if he wanted to answer the call seeing how he had dropped all communication with people from his hometown but apparently he was going to do it anyway. “Who’s calling.” 

“Is this Angelica?” Patton could swear that he felt ice form in his veins. It had been close to eight years since he had last heard his mother say his deadname, but could it actually be her? “Hello, is anyone there?” 

“Um, yeah I’m still here,” He was never very good at improv but apparently he was going to try it now. “This is her phone,” oh god what was he doing with these she/her pronouns, “but she isn’t here right now.”

“Who is it?” Roman whispered but Patton ignored him, which wasn’t very fair seeing how they were all probably super confused but so was he. 

“Oh, can you give the phone to her?” 

“No,” Angelica couldn’t come to the phone right now. Why? ‘Cause she was literally dead. “Can I ask who this is and how you got this number?” 

“Pat, what’s going on?” Virgil had now sat up from where they were sitting across their laps. Once again, Patton felt guilty. All of them had no idea what was happening and Patton knew he probably looked and sounded like he was freaking out. 

“This is her mother,” Patton couldn’t believe what was happening right now. It was one thing for a person who sounded like his mother to call his phone and use his deadname, but for it to actually be his mother was a whole other thing. “And I found one of her friends, Thomas or Timothy or something’s, number in some of her old phone books and he gave me her number.” 

“Thomas gave you this number?” He was actually starting to freak out now. Why would Thomas, his brother-in-law, give his mom, who probably deadnamed and misgendered him through the whole conversation his number.

“What about Thomas?” Logan asked. 

“Yes, I just said that. Can I ask who this is? After all, I haven’t spoken to my daughter in almost a decade, and you're clearly not her.” 

“I’m Patton Sanders,” this was true as one of the first things he did once he got legally married, to Logan as poly marriages weren’t legal, was to change his last name. He had gone so long with the last name of people who didn’t accept him, and all he wanted to do was share it with someone who did. “Her husband.” 

“Who the hell are you talking to?” Virgil said as they sat up further and Patton felt so much worse than he had before. They didn’t know who Patton was talking about and probably thought that he was misgendering them. “‘Cause I swear to god, Pat.” 

“Oh, so I see she grew out of that whole thing of hers,” When Patton didn’t say anything she continued. “I have some important information that I need to tell her.”

“Um, like I said she’s not here, right now. So you can just tell me and I’ll pass on the message.” 

“Well, Patty-” 

“It’s Patton.” 

“Oh right, well Patton,” It sounded like she was stressing his name to make up for him catching her mistake. “It’s not something I can feel comfortable having you relay the message for.” 

“She’s not here right now and isn’t going to be for some time due to her job. Nor, does she have a good phone connection. Co you can tell me now and I’ll pass on the message next time I speak to her.” 

“Well, if you want to be that way then okay,” Patton didn’t want to be anything to her right now, but whatever. “I was just calling to let her know that her father passed away a few weeks ago, even though she hadn’t seen him since her freak out.” 

Patton couldn’t breathe. He just shouldn’t have answered the stupid phone. Distantly, he felt the phone coming out of his hand, but rather it was taken or fell he didn’t know. He couldn’t be dead. It couldn’t have happened this way. 

“Pat, can you hear me?” Yeah, Patton could hear the voice. But he couldn’t breathe. Oh god, he still couldn't breathe. “Patton, can you hear me?” He didn’t know how long it took him but eventually, he felt himself nodding his head. 

“Okay, that’s good.” Patton heard another voice speak. 

“Hey, Pat,” The first voice spoke again, and Patton could now recognize it was Virgil. “Patton, I think you’re having a panic attack.” Patton felt the air catch in his chest again, he hadn’t had a panic attack in years. Why was he reacting so badly to this? He shouldn’t have been reacting so badly to losing the father who kicked him out. “Baby, can you name five things you see?” 

No, he couldn’t because to do that he would have to open up his eyes and see his significant others. He had already worried them too much with the phone call and now he was making it worse. 

“It’s okay Pat, you can open your eyes, it’s okay. Can I touch you?” Patton nodded, yes they could touch him. He felt a pair of cold hands pick up his own from where they were squeezing his knees. “Okay, that’s good. You’re doing so good Patton.” He disagreed but whatever. “Can you open up your eyes for me? Can you do that for me?” 

Slowly he opened up his eyes, to see Virgil kneeling in front of him. 

“Hey,” Patton saw Virgil smile but they still looked worried. Oh god, he freaked them out so badly and he didn’t know what happened to the phone. What if one of them had to talk to his mother? “Pat, it’s okay. Can you name five things you see? I can let go if you want me to.” 

None of them were Deaf or hard of hearing, but living in Rochester, NY, and with people who go nonverbal occasionally meant that all of them knew basic sign language. Patton felt Virgil release their hands, instead of placing them on his thighs. Slowly Patton pointed towards Virgil, fingerspelled ‘TV’, pointed towards Roman who was next to Virgil, flicked his middle finger on his chin to sign ‘lights’, then signed ‘picture’’ and pointed towards the wedding photo on the coffee table. 

Once Virgil had led him through signing four things he felt, his pajama pants, Virgil’s hands, the couch behind him, and the newly placed weighted blanket; along with three things he heard, the heating system, Virgil’s breathing, and Widow’s purring. Patton felt like he could finally breathe again. 

“I’m okay, Vi,” Patton mumbled, he felt like he could finally speak again but felt like he couldn’t at the same time. 

“Did you want to do the last two?” Patton nodded, even if he was feeling better he still felt shaky and while the questions wouldn’t stop the feeling it still would take his mind off of the bad news. “Okay, what are two things you can smell?” 

“Um, popcorn,” The four of them had been snacking on it before the phone call. “And Willow’s treats.” They had started giving her treats on the back of the couch and now it smelt faintly of kitty treats at all times. 

“That was so good Pat, now what can you taste?” 

“The popcorn.” Patton reached out to grab Virgil’s hands from off his lap.

“Good job, Patton. We’re all so proud of you.” Patton looked up at the word all to see Logan standing off to the side of the couch. 

“Hi,” Logan gave an awkward wave which could have made Patton giggle if he hadn’t just had a panic attack over his father dying. “Um, I hung up on her, just so you know. But I’ll tell you more later if you want me to.”

“Can you all just squeeze me right now?” Yeah, the weighted blanket felt okay, but it would be even better to have his significant others squeezing him as well. 

“Yeah, love.” Patton felt Roman climb back on to the couch to sit to the left of him, then Virgil and Logan coming to sit on his right. “We love you, Pat.” 

“Yeah, we love our amazing husband.” Virgil must have realized sometime in the past whatever amount of time, that Patton had been misgendered a ton, and Patton felt so thankful that Virgil was trying to make him feel better. 

“Pat, we love you no matter what.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you see any typos please inform me, all I want to do is improve my writing. 
> 
> Also, if anything that I’ve written about, such as describing some of the signs is incorrect then please tell me and I will be happy to try to fix it. I’ve taken ASL for like six years, however, I am by no means fluent and not a native user. So if anyone has a better description or some of the signs or disagrees with them, then please tell me. 
> 
> This is part of my 25 Days of December event that I’m doing this year (2020). This prompt is from a prompt list that I wrote and posted on Tumblr. I’m not doing it in order but picking random ones every day as an advent calendar thing. If you want to see the prompt list here’s the [Link](https://helloitsnico.tumblr.com/post/636071315732889600/25-days-of-december-writing-prompts) Also, here’s a link to my [Tumblr](https://helloitsnico.tumblr.com) and I would love to interact with you guys on there. 
> 
> Today’s prompt was “bad news”. 
> 
> I really didn’t know what to do for this prompt so I was like “what’s the worst thing that could happen?” “death”, so I went with that. (Honestly, at first, I wanted to write it about not having any sugar cookies at the store, but then I realized that one, that’s a bad idea and two, it would be like three hundred words.


End file.
